As published in Nation's Business

Robert is 83 years old. His wife, Leslie, died six years ago after a long illness. They had been married for 50 years.

In the first few years after Leslie's death, enduring his loneliness, Robert implemented an effective succession plan for ht family's business, transferring leadership and most of the ownership to his three children. He retained just enough stock to be a first-class second-guesser. Robert had accumulated significant personal wealth, and his children, all in the business, encouraged him to travel, enjoy life, and spend time with his grandchildren.

Two years ago, Robert began dating. Nothing serious, mind you. he was discreet, making sure his women friends were the "right sort." Over time, Robert became a social animal, escorting three lovely ladies, Elizabeth, Sandra and Jane (though not on the same evening!). Sandra and Jane are financially independent; Elizabeth's means are much more modest.

After four difficult and lonely years, Robert was having a ball. But lately, he has become a one-woman man, seeing a lot of Elizabeth.

The children think that 75-year-old Elizabeth is a conniving gold digger. As proof, the note that Elizabeth manipulated Robert into trading his Jaguar for a Bentley (which he drives mostly to the chiropractor and the physical therapist). They worry that Robert might marry Elizabeth.

While that is not his intention, he says, he is angry at his children for being nasty to Elizabeth and hurting his relationship with her. And he loves the Bentley.

The children are convinced that anyone under Elizabeth’s' spell must be crazy, so they no longer consult Robert about business issues. And since Robert feels cut out, he has become supercritical of his children's decisions. "How can I alter this situation?" he asks.

Remove Any Blinders

It’s always so refreshing to hear from an older adult who is enjoying their life to the fullest. As is typical of many entrepreneurs, you seem to be moving strongly forward while others are resisting. There are several key elements to improving this situation which could be called "How to Manage or Mismanage Change".

First, the ownership issues need to be fully resolved. Set up the transfer of the remaining shares. This will reassure your children. Remind them of your love for them and be an involved grandparent. Stop second guessing, let-go of the business and advise only when asked. Let them come to you.

On a deeper level is a sense of family alienation that appears to be growing. This needs to be dialogued and explored between you and your children. When family members are unable to support each other in their critical life challenges, its good to ask why. Initiate these conversations. Many children have trouble with what is in their eyes "the replacement" for someone whose love and position is irreplaceable.

But maybe your children have a point! You certainly wouldn't be the first older gentleman to blindly misjudge a beautiful lady. Give your children the dignity of the possibility of being right and suggest ways to "remove your own blinders" such as six sessions with a qualified marriage counselor where they are included in at least one. If she (and you) get over this hurdle - state emphatically that they welcome and honor her as your beloved and treat her the way they have wanted you to treat their beloved.

Marc A. Silverman, Ph.D., President of Strategic Initiatives Int'l,